Wed 06/08/08 04:40
It’s 3am right now and I’m sitting in a shithole of a motel room. I’ve been up for about 30hrs and I’ve been to two continents since I last slept. I’ve seen the Eiffel tower and the dirty dusty streets of this small town, Clovis. Two worlds that are so far apart that I can’t draw any comparisons, only contrasts.
I got into Albuquerque at about 9 tonight from Atlanta, and although I thought that I’d have this overwhelming sense of “being home” I have to admit I feel lonely/empty. There was a brief moment when I was ordering a soda, or when talking to someone at the airline counter that it felt good to be able to speak and to be understood. But after that there wasn’t anything that I felt. Just empty.
I’m going scuba diving in Texas today, but before I do I have to do laundry and to hopefully get a haircut. The laundry is a necessity, but the haircut is a luxury so it may have to wait.
On the list of things that just turned out wrong, Katya (the friend from Siberia that I wrote about) and I have decided not to email anymore. There wasn’t a fight, no real drama, just the distance and differences make it nearly impossible to be anymore that just simple friends…. If you read this Katya, you’re the best and maybe in time things can be different, at least I’ll keep watching my email box for your name. To anyone that reads this and wonders why I would post this on the internet, you have to understand that we’ve already said our good-byes and in the 2+ weeks (18 days) that we’ve only been able to email, we’ve traded 186 emails… she mattered to me, and will be probably the biggest and best thing that I’ll remember about this trip.
So anyway, it’s 330 now and I need to try to sleep, maybe when I wake up I’ll see things a little differently. If I don’t, maybe I can fake it and unless someone reads this they’ll never know what’s going on.
Sorry for the whining, but I told myself this journal was going to be as real as I could make it. The ups, and the downs were always meant to be a part of what I would write about.
-night
it’s now 410… maybe greg will let me sleep on the way to texas.
